BMA eBook - Manual / Resource - Page 252
Over my 30-year career working with leaders, I’ve heard many declare such self-enlightenment. But
telling people you’re self-aware doesn’t mean you are. And while we know that higher self-awareness
leads to better team performance, unfortunately, research suggests that most people aren’t very selfaware at work.
After the leader’s speech, I introduced myself and asked him with curiosity, “So what have you done
to become so self-aware and open to feedback?” Proudly, he responded, “I make it a priority to get a
360 feedback review every year.” I probed further, “And what kinds of things have you been able to
improve in your leadership as a result of all that feedback?” With remarkable sincerity, he said, “Well,
for example, last year I received feedback that our staff meetings were too long so I shortened them
by 30 minutes.” I now fully appreciated the eye rolling.
Fortunately, you don’t need to collect formal 360 feedback to learn how others experience you as a
leader. If you want to understand how people genuinely perceive you, try these four things instead:
Ask your coworkers’ to push back. The most basic way to understand what people think of you is to
ask them. If you’re not soliciting dissent, it’s unlikely you’re hearing the truth about what it’s like to
work for you. No news is not necessarily good news. Whether in group meetings, or one on one,
people need to feel comfortable pushing back and if you don’t have people routinely offering
dissenting ideas, or raising concerns about actions you are contemplating or have taken, you should
worry. After meetings where particularly difficult issues or decisions are discussed, one leader I work
with asks a few members of her team, “How do you feel that went, and what could I have done
differently?” Her team has come to realize she genuinely wants pushback and accepts it graciously.
Too many 360 feedback processes, because they allow people to hide behind anonymity, have
become replacements for great conversations instead of instigators of them. But any feedback
exchanged between leaders and followers should ultimately strengthen the relationship, not further
strain it.
Read nonverbal cues. People are constantly telling you how they feel about you through their
nonverbal cues. While people may withhold verbal feedback, their faces and bodies will often tell a
different story. If you learn to read them, these cues can provide a steady stream of useful feedback
about how your words and actions are being received. Allan and Barbara Pease suggest in their book,
The Definitive Book of Body Language, that because more than 65% of interpersonal communication is
nonverbal, spotting the contradictions between someone’s words and body language will
dramatically increase your ability to accurately perceive what’s happening. When people look down
or avoid eye-contact with you, when a typically engaging colleague suddenly becomes quiet, or when
an even-keeled colleague gets defensive, pay attention. Don’t ignore these critical cues. Offer your
observation graciously. One leader I worked with did this masterfully. When moods or countenance
took a sudden shift, he would say something like, “Tell me how I should interpret your silence,” or
“You suddenly seem to not want to look directly at me. I’m concerned something I’ve said isn’t
sitting well. Can you help me understand if that’s true?” These tactful observations invited others to
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